At 1:57am, the Lord woke me up to reveal a great word about capacity. It was specifically about the relationships I had had in my life and really giving me the language to course those relationships, as it related to their success or lack thereof.
Capacity can be defined as the maximum amount that something can contain or produce. My first revelation God gave me was about my relationship with my dad. Even though I wished my dad and I could have had a closer relationship as a child, after him spending most of his adult life in prison, the level of the relationship we had as I became an adult, fit the capacity my dad was able to give. Even though I personally wanted more, my dad had reached the maximum amount he could contain or produce based on his personal life and life experiences. I felt his love and I accepted his capacity to give, even if I didn’t agree with it.
With him being my father, I didn’t get to choose his level of capacity or even if I thought he would be the best match as an earthly father for me. God makes it clear in His word, that we are to honor our parents in order to have a long life. This was why God gave me the capacity to love my father even though I wanted more from the relationship. My dad may have wanted more also but he did the best he could at the level he was able to.
The next category God revealed regarding capacity, was within my past friendships. Unlike my dad, God allows us to choose the people in this category. So, the capacity we get in this category is often the capacity we’ve settled for. I felt like the friendships I came across in the past season of my life showed up at their maximum level of capacity. Meaning what I saw, was what I got. The problem with our friendships was however, a collision of our capacities.
Let me explain. I have always been the type of person to seek out more and better. I sought better for myself in terms of growth, revelation of who I was and revelation towards God’s greater calling for my life. There were plenty of times I got tripped up along the way, of course but God never let me get stuck there. He continued to increase my capacity for more. In those past friendships, along the way, I believe I was meeting people that decided to “stop” at their current level of capacity and at that moment of recognizing that, I needed to make a decision as to whether I was okay with their level of capacity as it pertained to our connection and how that affected my life directly and indirectly. The problem was, I let them choose what worked best for the friendship and I did my best to just go along with what made them happy. Until I didn’t.
The fact that I wanted more didn’t make me a bad person, it made me aware that I had not yet run into the person or people that had my capacity or greater. In that moment, I prayed a prayer to ask God to send me friends who had not reached their maximum capacity but were continually striving to expand their capacities. Specifically, their capacity to love, their capacity to grow, their capacity for peace, their capacity for understanding and lastly, their capacity for change.
When two varying capacities meet, there is going to be a fight for the more accurate capacity to thrive. For me, when the capacity differences were too great, I felt silenced and unseen because I was unaware or unable to give language to what I now know as our differences in capacity. So, the friendship felt off or as if we were stuck. Had each person spoken up, both people would have known the justifications for their true levels of capacity was right, just not right for one another. As a result, there was inevitably internal damage. The damage was the chipped edges from trying to jam a square into the triangle for so long. Those chipped edges were often words like “you’re too much,” ” you’re overreacting,” ” it doesn’t take all of that,” “why do you ask so many questions,” “why do you require so much”, etc. At this point, you almost seem foreign to people who have not decided to continue expanding their level of capacity.
The funny thing about God is that we will never fully know our capacity in Him but He still expects us to keep striving. For some people that’s scary. For some people it requires too much of a sacrifice, the unease of giving up more than they want to. Again, there is nothing wrong with those people who have decided to reach their maximum levels of capacity. It is however important for me to be linked to those who have not stopped reaching.
When both people in the friendship, have decided to not settle at their current level of capacity, God can continue to speak to us because we have both decided we haven’t reached maximum capacity in understanding yet. Therefore, God can still mold us, shape us, contend with us, convince us, convict us and keep us moving toward His ultimate capacity for our friendship. At this level, we then learn to love harder, connect deeper, become more self-aware, can put language to our capacity and can often detect when our capacity levels are off with others.
All In all, however, those people were never my problem. Our capacity was. I can never truly see the person’s true maximum capacity until God shows me who they really are. Therefore, it is important for me to let God choose my friends and circle because He will distinctly match our capacities.
God presenting my husband five years ago to me, was probably one of the best examples of this. When I met James, he wanted more for his life, he just didn’t know how to go about it. By us coming together, it pushed James to increase his capacity. In doing so, James also helped increase my confidence in hearing God to continue to exceed my own capacity. The secret was, we never stopped reaching, we never gave up. We never stop shedding the old capacities and making room for the new ones. We always gave God our next yes. We never stopped to cement ourselves in the current level of capacity and as a result God has blessed us tremendously in this union for His glory. I am thankful for God doing the same thing in my relationships.
Thank you for my desire for increased capacity. Thank you for your letting me come across those people whose capacity was not mine as it helped shape the confidence, I have to stand strong in my decision to always keep increasing. There is nothing wrong with the people whom I have come across in those past friendships. In fact, many of them are doing the best they can. Connect me to my capacity destiny partners in life. Those at and above my capacity so we can continue to strive together toward the ultimate capacity You have designed for us. Let us never criticize each other’s levels of capacity but also may we never settle at someone else’s level of capacity for the sake of relationships. Continue to keep my hunger towards capacity in You. I remove and release all words and effects from people not relating, wanting to understand, or criticizing my desire for more capacity.
Thank you for this revelation Holy Spirit. Thank you that in You our capacity is never fulfilled until the day of Jesus return. Thank you for sending me my destiny capacity partners. In Jesus name amen.
So, do your relationships match your capacity?